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September 2003
Aum Amriteswaryai Namaha
There is a beautiful passage in the most recent Immortal Bliss
(2nd quarter, 2003) describing Amma sitting at the merging point
of three sacred rivers. On these riverbanks, Amma gives a
satsang and tells us the scriptures say the Mother is worshipped in 5
forms: Mother earth and Mother Cow, who give so much to humanity and ask
nothing return; Mother Ganges who represents all rivers, one’s own
biological mother and the Universal mother.
The notion that one might worship one’s own biological mother
struck me as a very foreign concept. In thinking about it, I began
to recall the love and compassion that Amma has shown to many of the
mothers of Her children. In example, I know specifically of two devotees
in our satsang who harbored concerns about their mothers when they went up
for darshan. While receiving their hugs, Mother whispered, “My daughter,
my daughter, my daughter,” into their ears before adding, “And your mother too.”
Both devotees were surprised and filled with the comfort that Amma was blessing
their mothers as well.
In my own experience, I see now Amma drew me to Her the same year
my 55-year-old mother began manifesting symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease.
It would take a couple of years to confirm and then accept the diagnosis,
but by then Amma had both my mother and I securely in Her embrace.
Having to witness my mother’s ongoing deterioration is excruciating.
And yet, it is a burden for which Mother continues to be clearly by my side.
Early on, when my mom still lived at home and she could walk and talk, but no
longer drive, I routinely took her for weekend visits with family and friends.
On one of those excursions, I popped a bhajan tape into the cassette player.
Quite suddenly, my mom announced, “I smell roses. That music makes me smell roses.”
This really surprised me, as my mom never read or came into contact with the lore
surrounding saints and divine aromas. At this point, she did not even know Mother
sprinkled devotees with rose petals. I of course, could not smell the roses, but
when I looked over at my mom, she was clearly enjoying a lovely aroma.
While my mom was still walking she received darshan on three separate occasions.
Each one is a beautiful memory etched into my mind. The first occurred in
1999 on a hush Wednesday morning in the Universalist Church in Manhattan.
My mom’s friend brought her to the church early and she was one of the first
in line. I was so excited, I ran all around, watching her inch up the aisle
from every possible vantage point of that church. I practically circumambulated
Amma’s chair, knocking over devotees in order to get the best view of my mom’s
head descending onto Mother’s shoulder. Finally, I found myself standing
beside Swami Ramakrishnananda and suddenly, while pointing toward Amma, I
blurted out to him, “That’s my mother!” He looked back at me with a
curious blank expression. No words could express the awesome relief and
gratitude I felt when Mother whispered blessings into my mom’s ear.
July of 2000 a friend brought my mom, once again to the church. I asked
them to arrive as early as possible for the third morning program, when
it was relatively quiet and I could greet them. By this time, my mother
was having trouble with her motor coordination and I wanted to be there
to help her. However, at 10:30 am I was scheduled for lap seva, so I was
not available to look out for my mom for a short period of time, which
concerned and preoccupied me. Additionally, it turned out, that Mother
was giving an interview to a local newspaper that morning. When I kneeled
at Mother’s chair it seemed that every centimeter of space was demand
for the interviewer, the cameraperson, Geetha and Swami Amritaswarupananda.
I felt utterly ridiculous and in everyone’s way. Swami asked me to scoot
over a little to the right, Geetha asked me to inch over a little to the
left, the cameraperson kept knocking the back of my head with the camera
and Geetha periodically elbowed the side of my head. After sometime, I
found a way to contort myself into a bizarre posture that enabled me to
help devotees off Mother’s lap while simultaneously avoiding the bottom
of the TV camera.
A half hour later, the interview ended, the cameraperson left, the
interviewer moved into the line for a hug, Swamiji stepped back and my
lap shift ended. The space around mother opened up like petals around
the world’s most exquisite flower. Then, just was I was preparing to leave,
I saw that the next two people cued up for darshan, were my mother and her
friend. We were all at Mother’s lap together. I was shocked. I looked at
Geetha, pointed to my mother and said, “That’s my mom. She sick. Could
I go for darshan with her?” Geetha moved me into the line and Mother
embraced my mom and I together. When we came up from Mother’s lap She
looked and me and I tearfully blurted out, “That’s my mother!” Amma
looked back at me with a curious blank expression. There was nothing to say.
Mother’s love and compassion wrapped warmly around us holding all the truth.
The following summer of 2001, in a large hall at Columbia University, the
entire scene unfolded again, it almost the exact same way. My mother’s
friend arrived to find a parking spot in front of the hall.
They walked in and got a token, mom went to the chair seating
section and was immediately put into the darshan line because she
had a great deal of trouble walking and was so clearly disoriented.
I was scheduled for lap seva at 11:00 am, Amma was giving an interview,
Geetha periodically elbowed me in the head and at the end of the interview,
everyone disappeared and my mom was next in line for darshan. She could no
longer kneel and it took two people to stabilize her. I was very conflicted
about going for darshan and was simply going to help my mom exit, when Amma
looked at me with enormous concern, said “No,” so I would not leave and
motioned me to come in for a hug with my mother. I don’t know how to
worship the Mother in any of Her 5 forms. I only know that the awesome,
indescribable compassion of Sri Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi reaches into
the hearts of Her children and their mothers.
In Amma’s Light,
Kavita
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"We must light the lamp of faith and love in our hearts. This will remove all darkness in and around us." -- Amma
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